


To The Me

by redlipstickkisses



Series: Poems by Kai [7]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Asexual Character, Autobiography, F/F, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, References to Depression, panromantic character, poem, this is not as bad as the tags make it sound
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 22:42:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8508391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlipstickkisses/pseuds/redlipstickkisses
Summary: You will fall downandYou will get back upand you will stumbleand you will catch yourself





	

To the nine year old Me looking out at Me with saucer wide eyes and blunt bangs,

_ Thank you. _

 

You will not realize this for another nine years, but you are beautiful and wonderful

And you don’t need to hide.

 

You don’t need (to be) a girl or a boy, you are and that is enough

 

One day you will have a nephew that smiles at you when you tell him “Good Morning” in every language you know, 

he will fall asleep holding your finger while you sing to him

 

Keep washing your doll clothes little one, it’s good practice. 

 

One day you will find a girl with brown hair that spirals into ringlets that she lets you  **_sprong!_ ** when you need to look away from the way the light catches the curve of her cheekbone.

You will marvel at the way her brown eyes light up when she speaks 

And feel smiles steal over your face at having not one sister but three and a brother to boot.

You will look at her and think ‘ _ so this is what a soulmate is’ _

 

To the fourteen year old Me who took a little too long to get ready and rushed a little too fast on the stairs, the two sides of you warring, wanting to be on time but a part of you hoping that you would miss the bus anyway because you didn’t want to spend another day feeling like you were a ghost slowly fading into the cinder blocks,

_ I forgive you. _

 

You don’t know this yet but you are strong and you are brilliant and you are a nova and I am your  _ nebula.  _

You will fall in love with the cultures and languages of this world and vow to learn them all

 

You will discover a world in your head made of magic and miracles 

It will take years before the words flow smoothly and though it will never quite match the majesty of the images in your mind, you will do it justice. 

 

You will fall down 

and 

You will get back up

and you will stumble

and you will catch yourself

 

You will meet a little girl the day after you fail to take your own life and from then on the name Lilianna will always mean  _ Hope _ to you.

 

You will find God again as well as a few to spare

You will find magic

You will find your light and your music and _yourself_ again

 

To the Me who will be turning eighteen in three months and is walking into your grandmother's house.

 

Hanging above her dyer will be a picture you don’t even remember existing

 

A little girl with cropped hair and blunt bangs hanging doll clothes on a clothesline

her aunt's dog standing guard over her baby doll in the background as it ‘naps’ in the hammock

She is wearing a pink striped sun dress and her grandma’s apron tied low around her waist

She is facing towards the camera with her eyes wide as she stares into the future

 

This is a starting point 


End file.
